Balancing Your Wants and Needs: Overcoming the Inner Tug-of-War

if you’ve ever felt caught between what you want and what you need, you’re not alone. It’s like living in a constant tug-of-war, with one side pulling you toward instant gratification—intense connections, validation, and comfort—and the other side whispering about your deeper needs: peace, healing, and growth.

And then, there’s the end of the year.

Why Change Feels So Urgent at the End of the Year

The holidays have a way of making us pause and reflect—sometimes more than we want to. The celebrations, the quiet moments, the endings, and beginnings—it all comes together to ask us:

Am I on the right path?

What am I missing?

Why am I searching… am I even searching?

The truth is, turning the page on another year feels like turning the page on a chapter of life. Whether you’re where you thought you’d be or still figuring it out, it’s hard not to feel that pressure to decide. To change something. To do better.

For me, turning 40 has added its own weight. It feels big, doesn’t it? Like there’s no more room for hesitation, for wasted time, for anything or anyone that doesn’t feel aligned. But that also brings fear—fear of getting it wrong, fear of not having it together, fear of carrying everything on my shoulders.

Being the “alpha”—strong, independent, filling every single moment of my time with something (anything!)—sometimes feels like the only way I know how to survive. Staying busy means I don’t have to think. I don’t have to feel. I don’t have to face the stillness that asks me hard questions:

What do I truly want?

Why am I so afraid of slowing down?

The busyness is a shield. But it’s not healthy. It’s not sustainable.

When You’re Doing It All, But Missing Something

I’ve come to realize that strength isn’t just about carrying everything on my own—it’s also about learning when to put something down. I can do it all, but that doesn’t mean I should.

Sometimes, I fill my days to avoid the quiet, because in the quiet, I might have to face that I want something more—connection, love, space to just be. And that’s scary, isn’t it?

What if I let someone in and they don’t stay?

What if I lose myself again trying to love someone else?

What if I’m fine on my own?

The truth is, I am fine on my own. I know that now. I know I don’t need anyone to fix me, save me, or complete me. But I’d like to eventually find space for someone—not to fill a void, but to add to the life I’ve built.

The hard part is figuring out how.

Change Starts With Slowing Down

The end of the year is full of questions, but it’s also full of opportunity. It’s a chance to sit still and ask yourself:

• What do I want to leave behind this year?

• What do I want to carry into the next?

• What parts of me have been holding on for too long—fear, busyness, avoidance?

If you’ve spent this year staying busy to avoid feeling, maybe next year is about slowing down and allowing space. Space to breathe. Space to reflect. Space to figure out what you actually want, not just what feels good in the moment.

How to Begin Honoring Yourself

1. Sit in the Quiet – It’s uncomfortable, I know. But in the stillness, you hear the truth. The answers come when you stop running.

2. Ask Yourself What You’re Searching For – If you’re chasing love, success, or even distraction, pause and ask:

• What do I think this will give me?

• Can I give it to myself first?

3. Let Go of Perfection – Turning 40 isn’t a deadline. It’s a milestone, yes, but it’s not the end of your story. There’s time to figure things out. There’s time to create space.

4. Accept That Being Busy Isn’t the Same as Being Fulfilled – Fill your life with what brings you joy and peace, not just what keeps you occupied.

5. Be Open to Connection – You don’t have to know how to let someone in right now. Just remind yourself that it’s okay to want that. Wanting love doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out

The end of the year can feel like a time for big decisions, but sometimes the only decision you need to make is this:

To honor yourself. To choose what you need. To trust the process.

If you’re scared, that’s okay. If you don’t know how to let someone in yet, that’s okay too. What matters is that you’re willing to stop, reflect, and begin.

Because 40 isn’t the end—it’s the start of something even bigger. Something deeper. Something more peaceful.

And you don’t have to figure it all out today.

So breathe. Let go of the busyness, even for a moment. Make space for what you truly need.

You might just find it’s been waiting for you all along.

🥰